is this better?

I saw the movie tonight... a lot of fun. Nothing earth shattering or anything but some nice payoffs to gag set-ups. What'll be REALLY interesting to see is how this affects the series.

sabotage

I'm really beginning to get to the point that I don't want to be at this job anymore. Everytime I re-engage they do something else really really stupid, throw us under the bus, and then back down after months of arguing. There's so much potential that continually gets chipped away, but rather than speak to the people who have to actually deal with their decisions, they maintain a near-perfect ignorance of what we're doing, who we're dealing with, and general market knowledge.

Time to plan the exit strategy. I've been through this too many times already.

medical update

Doctor's visit today -- I'm clear for full physical activity. I must say, working in a gym is probably the perfect place for me right now. I'm going to talk to the PT manager today about who would be the best trainer for rehabilitative work to build my strength back up.

The x-ray did reveal a chip in the one of the bones, which will take a long, long time to heal fully. Considering the extent and nature of the break, this was to be expected, and thanks to the metal plates I'm properly supported.

I'm due back in three months for another set of x-rays. Though there's nothing indicating it's happening, there's still a possibility my body will reject the metal plates and screws -- and if so, I'll require another set of surgeries to remove them. Until then, all is well with the arm. I'm looking forward to getting back into the groove of physical activity.

The staph has cleared up as well, it seems, though the spot is still occasionally itchy. I'll probably go in later this week to get it stitched up.

And so it goes.

odds and ends

Hairspray was a fun little movie, but having seen the stage show twice and the original countless times, I was a little disappointed. Anyone who doesn't have the same background with it as I do will love it. And in spite of myself, I really enjoyed John Travolta's performance.

I've had James Taylor's Fire and Rain running through my head all day. Don't know why. That was the song that made me break down when my grandma Roz died, and because of that, the last line gets to me every time I hear it.

I'm back to being mentally invested in work again. The past couple of months (consistent with my injury) have seen me totally tune out from what I was doing. It's nice to be involved and engaged again, it makes the day go much faster. Wouldn't you know it would coincide with one of my employees having a nervous breakdown? Sigh, this week's gonna be a barrel o' monkeys.

Kathy Griffin comes to town next month. Most people I know hate her, but god, I love that woman. I didn't get to Dreamgirls this weekend, so probably next Saturday instead.

Simpsons movie comes out on Friday! Woohooooo! That picture from the previous entry came from Simpsonizeme.com -- you plug in a picture and it turns you into a Simpsons character. My original one gave me a stoner beard and short black hair -- neither of which I have (right now)... but it luckily lets you customize and what you saw is what I came up with. I think it's pretty close, even without the eyebrow piercing.

d'oh!

For those who are curious, this is about as close to an actual picture of myself you're gonna get.

get this party started...

I've been so tired this week. I don't know why. Just a quickie today, I have to go to a meeting at work soon...

Thing making me deliriously happy for no apparent reason:

Dame Shirley Bassey's new album. Check out this video on YouTube of her cover of "Get The Party Started" by Pink.

Thing making me sad:

Rose's Turn is closing. I was more regularly found at the Duplex and Marie's Crisis, but I've stopped by Rose's on many occasions and knew several people who work there. Always a good time. The New York I knew and loved is dying off, slowly -- Helen's has also closed up shop, I worked there for about six months.

--

American Idol auditions are coming through Atlanta next month. I've never done it before, I think it might be kind of fun. I'm thinking of Country Road, by James Taylor -- keyed up two steps.


This weekend -- Hairspray at the movies, Dreamgirls at the Fox...

breaking the silence

I like to think that I often have things figured out in the world. I'm pretty secure in my own identity. My intuition about people and situations are generally on point. I know, more or less, where I stand, and sometimes I even have a faint idea as to where I want to go next. I learn from my experiences and mistakes and try not to repeat them (though it doesn't always work out that way). In my circle of friends, I'm often regarded as the one who's got the most common sense perspective and I'm often asked for advice in areas I have little personal experience with but a whole heap of observation.

In short, I feel like I just understand it on some level.

And then, every once in a while, something comes along that exposes me as the fraud I am. This past week, my family suffered a great tragedy. One of my cousins and her husband drowned on Monday.

She was part of the family but not familiar to me, a fact I'm loath to admit. I still don't know if she was a second or third cousin, or if she was removed at any point -- but she was family. I, like many others in my branch of the family, had absolutely no idea what to say... so, for quite some time, I said nothing.

I felt like anything I put out there would ultimately be disingenuous. I was (and still am) ashamed of my own ignorance, and in a matter of seconds it was fully exposed in my own head. I'd met her on a handful of occasions but only particularly remembered one. Her sister (another cousin of indeterminate times and removal) and I bonded over a 4th of July gathering at the lake house some ten years ago. I saw her again at my grandmother's funeral in 2000, and... well, that was it.

But it occurs to me... no one ever knows what to say. For all our artful conversation and witty banter, when the spectre of death and tragedy appears, our seemingly endless basins of vernacular dry up, and we're left blathering fools -- standing unprepared and exposed. I lived in New York on September 11th, and witnessed the death of nearly 3,000 out the window of my apartment. You would think that some manner of perspective might be gained by that, some script might be able to generate, but it doesn't. And I'm cast into a stony, unwilling silence I wait a week to break.

So here I am, wholly unprepared, and here it is.

Events like this remind us that not everything is going to make sense. Life can't be understood, no matter how hard we try to force it. We can only live simply, and simply live. The second and third hand stories I've heard about Mark and Beverly are testaments to remarkable people who not only touched, but gave life to those around them.

I didn't know them, but for those of you who did, my deepest condolences. I wish I knew something better to say.

COMMON USES: This medicine is a rifamycin antibiotic used to treat tuberculosis, as well as treat those who have been exposed to meningitis-causing bacteria before they become sick.


--


Serious stuff. This is one of three prescriptions given to me by my doctor this afternoon. We also did a culture to determine exactly what's going on. The hope is it's just a drug-resistant staph, because the treatment I've just started will knock it out.

If not?

Well, we're not asking that question yet. My timing remains impeccable, though. If I'd waited another day it's very likely I'd have ended up in the hospital instead of a dermatologist's office. My right thigh has swollen up like a balloon, and it feels like it's spread to my knee.

And of course, I had to be responsible last weekend and pay off all my bills and my rent. Never occured to me that I'd have to shell out for copays and prescriptions out the nose again. My parents saved the day again. They're amazing people. I really hope I get to go down to FL next weekend.

unhappy returns

Hey, remember that staph infection that I had at the beginning of last month?

It's back. Boy, is it back. My thigh is very, very swollen, and it's hurting a lot. Off to the doctor tomorrow morning. I've got a crater in my leg you could probably fit a pea into.

Remember further back about talking about how broke I was? Something like eighty bucks for two weeks? Yeah, after tomorrow's doctor's appointment and inevitable prescriptions, let's try $20 for a week and a half. IF I'm lucky.

Never ask if it gets any worse. It inevitably will. This streak has gone way past unlucky and straight into beleaguered territory. Why doesn't this damn cycle STOP?! Just a little break, seriously, that's all I need. Healthy for three weeks, that's all I ask.

--

Incidentally, its my first year in nearly a decade I haven't been in NYC for the fourth of July. I'm not doing anything special (see aforementioned lack of money) tonight, but I wish I were. I miss sitting on the rooftops watching the fireworks over the river with a bunch of friends.

WANT THAT!!!!!!!!

One of my co-workers got the iPhone.

I generally resist the faddish crazes but after seeing it with my own eyes, I can now comfortably say, for the first time since I was 13:

I WANT THaAAAAAAT!

I'm not rushing out to buy it now, but I'll consider it when they come out with the 30gig version so I can simply replace my iPod (which has seen some better days). I'm still under contract with T-Mobile, too, so I've got a while to wait and save up -- and let cooler minds decide.

--

In other news, I'm soo over work right now. Anyone who knows me well enough knows I go through periods of disillusionment with work no matter what I'm doing, so this too shall pass. Ultimately, I just need a decent vacation. I've been working way too much and need a break. Oh, and to fire some people who are totally useless. My hands are tied by paperwork, though, which is frustrating.

The vacation is not in the card until at least October or November, though. With my dental payments and rent and whatever else, the raise I got is actually accounting for *less* money in pocket than before.

Sigh.

Life.