square one?

I'm scared to get on a scale, I figured I'm probably back at square one with my many illnesses. My pants are tight again, which rubs up against the sores. I'm feeling SO uncomfortable, shingles are terrible. I'm going back to the doctor today to see if I'm having some complications -- was running a slight fever last night and my throat is sore. Plus, I have an area of swelling at the base of my spine where my back pain was centered.

Can't help but feel pretty useless at work right now, either. I'm avoiding any lifting of any sort since that's what triggered my absences last week. I try to delegate but I feel bad -- it feels like everyone's doing my job for me right now.

I can't wait for all this to be over so I can get back into some pattern and make my pants loose again.

Edit: Doctor said I've got a secondary infection *from* the shingles, which is where the fever and sore throat are coming from. More antibiotics, yay...

the onset

I've been fielding calls from family over the past two days, assuring them that yes, yes, yes, I will be at the farm for Christmas. Shingles won't get in my way. I spoke to John at length about what this disease is all about and how I may not be out of the woods yet. The rash, the skin pain, etc -- that's all pretty awful but the bad part -- the part that kept Dave Letterman off TV for a month when he got shingles -- is something called postherpetic neuralgia. Since shingles is an attack on the nerves, it can leave nerve endings very damaged and cause some excruciating pain as a result -- and its pain that can not be treated with standard pain killers.

On the bright side, it is a complication that only affects about 20% of people who have shingles, and that generally skews older.

On the far dimmer side, I seem to be one of those rare exceptions. Tonight, I was back at work, trying to be normal. As I lifted some frozen yogurt back into the freezer, my back tensed up. I stopped what I was doing. It tensed some more. I tried to relax it, it tensed further... until, eventually, I was on the floor, tears streaming from my eyes and unable to stand up. What was worse was that it was after closing -- I was the only one left. I called my roommate and through wails of pain asked him to pick me up. I then called my boss, explained exactly what happened and that it was not likely I'd be able to come into work tomorrow... all while still on the floor. I have never been this immobile in my life, and the pain is terrible.

I am back home now with a great deal of assistance from my roommate. I once again have to re-evaluate whether or not going home for Christmas is a good idea. I really would love to see my family but a 4-6 hour drive each way could quite possibly be a terrifically painful experience... plus I'd basically be confined to a couch the entire time I'm there. Not a lot of fun for anyone involved.

another delay

My birthday has come and gone, and it was a great vacation. I had a lot of fun, saw almost everyone, shows, stuff. The big news, hot surprise... my good buddy Poppi Kramer was a contestant on The Biggest Loser this year. She was sent home early on but still had the possibility to win the 'at home' prize.

And she did. She went from 232 to 117, and came home $50K richer for it. I can now officially say one of my friends has won a reality tv show! She looks extraordinary, I'm so proud of her and feel motivated to move forward with my goals. But...as fate would have it...

It was vacation and I was staying with my friend Noah... and using his heavily scented body wash. On Friday, I noticed a little rash on the left side of my abdomen. I figured I was having an allergic reaction to his body wash, went and got some antihistamine and continued.

Saturday it had spread a little. Sunday, it started to hurt. On the plane, I felt as though someone was repeatedly pummeling me in the gut.

I went to the doctor this morning. I have SHINGLES. Whats worse, since I'd written it off as an allergy, is that I missed the deadline to put antibiotics in my system and lessen the problem. That means I have anywhere from two weeks to three months of post herpetic neuralgia to look forward to.

not again!

Scarcely a week after recovering from strep throat, I woke up yesterday to phlegmmy goodness, sore throat and no voice.

Its not a re-infection of strep as best I can tell, but instead, a whole new sick. I'm on the Tylenol Multi-Symptom, which seems to be helping. I'm also trying to take advantage of my sexy voice while I can. I think I'll record a new voice mail message today.

My vacation starts in six days, I pray I'm not still hurking up boogers at that point.

holding the ground

Two weeks since the final, repugnant cigarette, and I've still yet to even try to pick one up. Its sticking, and I'm happy. Not that I'm particularly surprised, though. I don't have an addictive personality -- no nic-fits. No headaches (beyond the ones caused by strep). No withdrawl symptoms. Nothing. I'm lucky, I guess.

Weight-wise, I seem to be holding steady between 210 and 215. It fluctuates between the two randomly, so I'll just say I'm somewhere in the middle. So, while I haven't really made any progress, being sick didn't really set me back, either.

Its not over yet, though. I completed my course of antibiotics yesterday, and today, like clockwork, I'm beginning to feel a relapse. My throat is getting that slight soreness back when I swallow, though I'm not fending off chills or spiking ridiculously high fevers. I have a three day weekend now, though, so back to bed, back to rest, just in case.

I took my bike in for a tune up and noticed odo/speedometers for sale, cheapo, so I got one. I think it'll let me keep good track of what I'm doing. Its another way to keep me honest. If my odometer at the end of the week doesn't say more than...say... 50 miles on it, I'll know I've wussed out too much.

And, in two weeks to the day, I'll be 27. My major, original goal, when I started this...well, it won't be met. But I don't consider that a failure. Part of that is just nature of falling ill or having injuries, I won't beat myself up over that. I have been eating a bit better. I did quit smoking. And holding steady is better than getting worse... so, to stem the tide of getting worse is accomplishment in and of itself.

I'm not done yet -- and like I said, I'm going to give myself an extra month to keep working on this, and see how close to my goals I really do get... so six weeks, eh? Will I be able to balance the temptations of holiday fat fatty fat and birthday debauchery?

...I never was good at cliffhangers.