one yes, one no

I've talked to a couple of people but I haven't really gone into much detail. The bottom line is no, I will not be invading people's homes on that nationally televised talent competition, but I did get quite close. Each station set up at the auditions were manned by two producers. The producers must both be in agreement to put you through to the next round.

I got one yes and one no -- which ultimately means no. I had observed prior auditioners as they made their ways up to the tables and the body language of the producers was always the same -- they would stare disengaged and avoid direct eye contact if they would not put you through. But if they were interested, one would inevitably lean over to the other without taking their eyes off you and begin whispering.

I was the first one from my little group of four that sang. My producers were one little blonde British lady and one rather gruff looking man who looks an awful lot like someone I have a teeny crush on at the gym. These two were very short, and to the point -- no introductions, no names, just sing. I stepped forward. After the first two lines, the blonde Brit smiled broadly, leaned over and started whispering. My 30 second audition expanded to a full minute. I got to the end of the chorus, a natural cut off, and was cut off.

"Thank you! That was really great," said British lady. Gruff man looked disengaged said nothing.

The two girls after me sang so quietly I couldn't actually hear them. The last guy sang a song by Blues Traveler, and had a great quality to his voice. Gruff man sat up and listened for a second, but as his pitch started wavering all OVER the place he withdrew.

British lady leaned over again, looked at me and whispered for another second. Gruff man said three words back to her, and they called us forward. British lady delievered the news.

"Thanks for coming out. You guys are the ones who make this show what it is." She looked directly in my eyes and said "Unfortunately..." paused and returned her eyes forward to address us all inspecifically, "it's a no for all of you."

And that was it. She'd pretty clearly indicated she wanted to put me through but without agreement, there was nothing. As I was walking out I kicked myself for not taking the opportunity to belt out the first three lines of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" in full Jennifer Holliday voice -- that may have gotten me through, but for the wrong reasons.

So I'm a little disappointed, of course, but I'm happy I did it. I validated myself for the previous bomb and if by some shot I decide I want to try this again next year, I'm better prepared. Like I said to my father... sometimes you have to take the long shots before you get to fire at anything closer.

--

Otherwise, the weekend was just wonderful. It was a whirlwind of activity and a much needed break away from work. I saw Xanadu (wonderfully stupid fun) and Legally Blonde (just kinda stupid), hung out with friends, some of whom I have not seen in 2+ years, laughed until I cried several times, and stayed in a fantastically comfortable hotel in Philadelphia (I highly recommend the Sheraton Four Points to anyone passing through the area). I also realized its not so much New York City that I miss, but the people I know there. I could be anywhere with them and be deliriously happy (don't get me wrong, though -- I miss the city itself, too -- and a useful mass transit system).

I need to find something else to work towards and look forward to, though -- preparing for the auditions gave me a sense of direction I haven't felt in a while. Atlanta has been good for me on many fronts, but has also been incredibly stifling, stagnant, and frustrating, and right now I'm kind of at loose ends without knowing where I want to step next.

almost there

So I've been doing some juggling... there's just one little piece of the puzzle that's missing at this point. I need a cheap ho/motel in Philly/S. NJ with easy access to SEPTA on Monday night to fly out Tuesday AM.

Once that falls into place, all is a go.

EDIT: And into place it has fallen. Fly in Saturday AM, fly out Tuesday AM.

quick question

Should I head up to Philly next weekend? I have an opportunity to do so.

oh, and

The AC finally got fixed last night. Soooo much better.

moving on

Despite having started antibiotics early on, my strep continues. I've had a searing headache all day and my throat is pretty sore. Only getting three hours of sleep last night was no help, I'm certain.

The auditions came and went -- it was really lovely to sit in a very well air conditioned Georgia Dome for the day -- but twelve hours later, when my moment finally arrived, I could barely hold my head up and had to pee like you wouldn't believe. So, the crux of it all... I screwed it up.

I'm glad I did it. I can at least say I did. On the flip side, it's really disappointing to have an opportunity and not be able to do your best. They move on to Charleston this weekend, then Miami and Philly next weekend... my brother suggested I follow them to try again. It's a nice idea but one that probably won't be able to come to fruition. Next year is my last year of eligibility and I doubt they'll come back to Atlanta, so I'll just write this one off.

So, what's next?

it's not over

So, obviously, the cycle is continuing. I woke up this morning feeling... streppy. I've had strep throat three times in the last two years. I know what it feels like, and I've got that same feeling now. This time, however, I'm not waiting around to see if it goes away. After the past few months taking that chance doesn't seem very sexy to me. The urgent care down the street opens in about an hour, so I'm going to go take care of it right now while I'm still physically capable.

Idol registration tomorrow. Auditions later in the week. More to come.

EDIT: Just back from the doctor. Body temp is steady at 98.6. No swelling or redness. Doc wondered why I was there. "Trust me," I said. He gave me the strep test and shrugged.

Ten minutes later he came back in rubbing his forehead with a dumbfounded look. "It came back positive. You have strep. How'd you know that?!"

Got my antibiotics. I'll be able to head this off without a problem.

its the heat AND the humidity

What a terrible time for our AC to go down. It's supposed to be 100 degrees for the next two days.

I can't remember the last time I've been in such oppressive, punch-you-in-the-face kind of heat. It really is almost physically painful to step from lovely air conditioned place of work into muggy heat of night to catch the bus.

violation

I think my friend Mike had the best response in hearing of my most recent addition to the list of beleaguering things in my life: "Are you sure you did murder a nun in a past life?"

Indeed, if you look at the last two years of my life, the concept of karma has some sort of credence. I have a hard time really committing to the whole idea; I've grown to subscribe to the 'shit happens' clause more often than not. Still, if I did crawl into the 'karma's a bitch' bubble, you can bet I'd be rushing off to have a past life regression done post haste. I might do one anyway just to see what they come up with. I must have been just horrible in the 19th century.

I know a lot of other people who would crumble underneath this. On paper, the last twelve months certainly seems to be absolutely the worst year of my life ever, but it doesn't *feel* like that. I'm not sure if I should chalk that up to the growing experiences that -- depending on how you look at it -- either gave me the emotional strength and stamina to rise above it with a smile on my face, or... have essentially left me emotionally dead inside (this is a joke -- I was emotionally dead years ago [also a joke]).

This is definitely due in large part to the security net I have in place: at work, I'm indispensable. I'm well-insured. I've got a roommate who has stepped up to the plate and taken care of me when I was completely helpless. And I have family who has rallied their support around me.

Though I can't help but wonder if any of this would have ever happened if I hadn't left New York...

--

So Tuesday night, I'm arriving home at about quarter past midnight after a long day at work. As I approach the front door, I notice its slightly ajar -- closed against the frame, but just a nudge would open it back up. I figured the roommate has come home from the store and is unloading groceries. I pushed open the door and called out his name. No response. The door on the DVD cabinet is standing open, and the door to the back porch is unlocked. I poked my head outside to see if he was outside; he is not.

I go back towards the kitchen, calling his name. As I entered the dining room, the silverware drawer is open, and the two junk drawers on the buffet are as well. Roommate's bedroom door is open. I call his name again. I stepped into his room. All of his dresser drawers have been pulled out. On the bed are two big souvenir Coke bottle banks from the world of Coke, emptied out. I grab my phone. No answer.

"Joe*, call me immediately. I think someone's broken in."

I went into my room. Several of my drawers have been pulled open. My drawer of random documents has been opened. My old passport is on the floor. Letters, lyrics, old bills are strewn on the dresser. My Bank of America debit card, which was on my desk, is missing.

I call Joe* again. This time, he picks up. Laughter and music in the background, and I brace myself to ruin what is certainly a fun night out.

"Please tell me you were frantically searching for something you lost earlier today."
"No...why?"
"Come home right now. There's drawers open and stuff out of place. Your room is a mess." I went back into his room to describe what I see. "Your drawers are all open. Clothes on the floor. Both our change banks are empty on your bed. Empty plastic box... what the...? My debit card is on your dresser!"
"Call the police! I'll be home in 5 minutes."

Called 911 and started the ball rolling. I walk around and start to notice almost every little thing. The kitchen window is cracked and looks to have been pried open from the top. Roommate's camcorder bag is out and camcorder is gone -- but charger and tapes are not. The lid to my change bank is on my bed, but the bank itself is on Joe's bed.

Joe* gets home before the police arrive. I show him everything and we start to try and identify what's missing. The camcorder had been stashed in his closet, but was now gone. The police officer arrived and looked around. He asked what had been stolen. At that point, all we'd found missing was the camcorder and the change. He went out to the car to start filing everything and told us to come out if we found anything else missing.

I went through my papers -- everything was in place. Joe was in his room going through his secretary desk and called out "My credit cards -- gone."

I walked through the kitchen. They left the silverware -- antique silver. We're dealing with someone truly stupid here, apparently. I went into the laundry room for a second. Joe came out of his room and joined me.

"Weird. They went through all my drawers, stole my credit cards and some jewelery, but left a digital camera and an iPod sitting in plain view on the dresser."
"Looks like they didn't get anything in here."
"Prime... your bike."

He was right. I was standing exactly where my bike is stored. It is gone.

All told, our robber(s) caused a little over $1,000 in theft and damage. My bike, Joe's credit cards, camcorder, jewelery, about $150 in spare change, and both of our man-purses (presumably to carry the stolen change from the banks). A cracked window and damaged frame in the kitchen need to be replaced. There is still the potential for more things to show up missing -- it'll be one of those things where we suddenly realize some gadget we use every six months suddenly isn't there.

The police officer said we'd hear from investigators the next day. We're three days later and have heard nothing. I guess this case won't be investigated. Its frustrating too, because that window probably has scores of fingerprints on it, along with our dressers.

We didn't lose much, in the grand scheme of things. What's more baffling is what was left behind: aside from the camera and iPod, they also left a laptop (sitting on the living room couch), Playstation II, DVD player, stereo system, 2 desktop computers, antique silverware, and a massive DVD collection worth maybe $5,000. Weirder still, aside from drawers pulled out and papers in general disarray, our robber(s) left things generally in decent order -- no furniture shoved around, no lamps knocked over -- the window was even pushed back closed so kitties wouldn't get out (Daa -- kitties are fine).

Joe* and I stayed up another four hours after the police left trying to straighten up a little and figure out if anything else was taken. I fell into bed around 5:30am, Wednesday morning -- more of an exhausted unconscious state than actual, restful sleep.

And now, since then, the walk home from work has been kind of agony. My head swims with what I might find when I open the door. Sleep at night is not very restful but it's getting better. I walk down the street and can't help but wonder if every person I pass is the asshole who did this. I'm trying not to let paranoia seep in but those thoughts are appearing. More than anything, the general sense of violation is rattling, and getting comfortable again is going to take a while.

We had homeowner's insurance, but they're looking for documentation on EVERYTHING. My bike meets the deductible by itself, but hell if I know where the receipts are. This could be a pain and I may just have to cut the loss.

We're both shaken, but aware of how much worse it could have been. Thanks to everyone who's called or emailed or commented.

worst. robbery. ever.

Someone broke into our house tonight. Some things missing, but not much.

Very strange. More to come.