not bad

So even if I'm not called for the artistic director position (have I written it off already? the deadline hasn't even passed!) I think I'll be fine. I looked at gym I'll be working at in two weeks on Thursday, and I really like it. It'll be nice to get a fresh start around people who don't know me or my style.

The gym itself is huge, with an indoor track, swimming pool, racquetball courts, and lots of nice equipment. And it's 6 miles closer to my house than where I currently work! If I'm not biking that then I really have fallen off the dedication, and hard.

Trying to find motivation to do something today. Roommate's wandered off to Macon, I've got the place to myself for the day. Could stand to do some cleaning, but I gotta get off my duff first.

Had a random dream last night that I was going down to Tallahassee to surprise my sister for her birthday. I was going to take her out to breakfast, but she didn't want to go. It ended up with me dragging her out to the car screaming "WE ARE GOING TO CRACKER BARREL AND YOU WILL EAT BISCUITS!!!!!"

Then I woke up.

No idea what that's all about.

health update

My immune system must have recovered from all that horrid stuff I had going on two months ago. My roommate was diagnosed with the flu last week, and I've managed to come away from it with little more than a scratchy throat and a bronchial cough. The scratchy throat is gone, the cough typically sticks around a week or two. It *wasn't* debilitating, and I *DIDN'T* catch his flu. I'm amazed.

On the flip side, though, my pants are kinda tight these days. This weather hasn't been conducive to anything productive fitness-wise. We're probably in for one more hard cold snap, but after that -- back on a regimen. I should be at the new location by then, which is about 4 miles closer to my home, and biking to work won't be quite so daunting.

A job description was released yesterday for the artistic director job. After looking it over I'm less optimistic about my chances of being called for an interview, but I'm submitted and that's that. I think I'll just forget about it, and if I'm called it's that much more a pleasant surprise.

patience

I've submitted my resume, with a teriffic introductory letter, edited by my father.

Now all I have to do is wait. Let's hope they find me intriguing enough for this.

EDIT/UPDATE: The resume submission deadline was extended to Feb. 28th, so it'll be a while before I hear anything. Meanwhile, I'm checking out my possible new work location on Thursday.

living up to the name

I am often crippled by low-self esteem in the things I choose to pursue. My acting career never really went anywhere interesting thanks to the fact I often would talk myself out of auditioning because I was too tall, too fat, too white, too thin, too whatever, and that I'd ultimately just be wasting my time.

I tend to doubt my abilities in the unknown and don't always chase after those things I want to do. Working at the gym has been relatively easy because it is more or less a culmination of the things I've already done in my history.

I've spotted an opportunity for something I've always wanted to do -- artistic director at a local music theatre. On paper, my experience may not seem relevant to the daily operation of a semi-professional theatre, but I know that in action, if I'm able to pull it off, it will be truly brilliant due to my otherwise irrelevant past experience teaching me how to do it.

I've explained some of my ideas and direction to some of the people whose opinions on such things hold the most sway... some of my theatre-professional friends. My parents. They've all been supportive and encouraging.

Finally, this time, rather than let my self doubts ruin my chances before I take any, I'm listening to what other people are saying -- I *am* capable of doing this. I can make this happen, and even if I don't get the position I can at least take pride in applying and following through.

As I start pasting my ideas together into a cohesive introduction for the company -- I'm informed that I will be offered a promotion at the gym within the next month. The logistics are not worked out, which is why the offer is not offical -- but I've been put on a short list that consists of one person.

So, if the big one doesn't happen, I'm still making forward motion. I'm keeping my cards close to my chest in the meantime.

How weird that I actually might start pushing into the prime of my life. I was only half serious when I named this page that.

an era ends

Some 14 (!!!!!) years ago, aided by my childhood best friend, I latched on to the Internet in the media center of Raa Middle School, and became one of the early pioneers of civilian Internet usage as we know it today. AOL, Prodigy, and innumerable BBS's existed but only as self-contained units incapable of connecting to anything but themselves.

The vessel was an old Mac Plus with a modem plugged into the wall, which connected me to Tallahassee Freenet.

A few years later, TFN was threatened with closure as Florida State University declared the project a success and withdrew its funding from it, and my friend Jonathan and myself launched a public effort to shore up support with the media friendly title of "S.O.S" -- Save Our System! We got profiled on the evening news for our community meeting to draw attention to the importance of public internet access. Some wrote us off as Star Trek geeks who mostly resembled the Comic-Book-Guy on The Simpsons, but others acknowledged that what we were yelling about was where the future of communications laid. Ultimately, our efforts were little more than superficial, as we didn't raise bucketloads of cash, but the exposure contributed to a public outcry, and eventually FSU and Leon County put up the money, and TFN continued operations.

TFN saw some of the earliest incarnations of blogging -- hand coded HTML pages with journal entries plastered across the screen as a means to communicate. I do take *some* credit for the early proliferation of web-journaling (arguably, mine was the first regularly updated journal published online in the southeastern United States), and many people who stopped in to read my page were spurred to create their own.

But, as with all things, TFN had to pass. The announcement was made this week that operations would cease as of May 31st. There will be no rallies for support, this time, as all involved will agree -- the moment has passed. TFN served a vital need at its zenith and was instrumental to bringing wide-spread internet usage to all people, connecting people who may otherwise have never met. My 14-year old email address, jaro at tfn.net, will cease to exist, too. It hasn't been used in several years, long since the victim of spam overload, but I've always kept it, in some cheesy way, as a reminder of where I started. I carry away life long friends, memories of parties at a warehouse, and a better definition of self.

Not bad for a little box with some wires connected to a phone.

Typically, my periods of deep introspection are punctuated with thoughts of totally mundane, ridiculous things. I noticed the instructions on my tube of toothpaste the other day, which had nothing to do with brushing technique, but instead, offered this bit of wisdom:

"FOR BEST RESULTS, squeeze tube from bottom and flatten as you go up."

It suddenly dawned on me that due to my history as a middle-squeezer, I may not be achieving optimal cleanliness for my teeth. There must be some sort of chemical reaction that occurs when you flatten the tube that allows for a progressive level of cleaning. By squeezing from the middle, I could very well be robbing myself of a pinnacle of dental hygiene I had previously only dreamed of.

I plan on writing to both Colgate and Crest for explanation. If it weren't that important, they wouldn't have printed it in bold, capital letters, right? That is space that could be dedicated to important tips on brushing technique -- is it better to brush with the bristles perpendicular to the surface of the teeth? Should a 45 degree be utilized to nudge out some of the more stubborn deposits of tartar? And, for that matter, why does tartar share its name with a sauce commonly used with fish? Is there some cross-production going on at Proctor and Gamble? Should I be concerned about the horrors of gingivitis on other parts of my body?

The tooth is out there, people. Your dental hygienist has been lying to you for all these years.